I Dare,therefore I am!

Every journey is an inspiration. The hourglass mommy is the story of me, mine and many alike. These extra ordinary women are the future of greatness. I shall be presenting the journey one such miracle each week under Inspire Us section here. This week belongs to Meena, the girl who dares to aspire against the struggles and is full of giggles. This is her story, her journey-the unadulterated version that she chose to share with all of us J

Sachin Tendulkar said (in a reader’s digest interview)“Nothing is too high for the daring of mortals. You can storm heaven itself in your folly”.I have been extremely touched by those words since college days.I  have always been motivated with it but dared to justify its essence only after I could shed 20 lbs of my weight!! I can value the essence better now J

My journey hasn’t been easy. I have survived through criticism, sarcasm, overwhelming embarrassments and humiliation on the pretext of my weight. Being a jovial person at heart, I began to make fun of myself than wait for others to make me the soft target. I was hurt but never let it be visible through my behavior to onlookers.

But, I decided to face the bull by the horns. I decided to face my struggles for myself and not for those who were mean or offensive. My journey has been a continuous struggle, but I am not scared anymore. Because, I dare to fight and win (for myself, my family, my husband Dipu and my lovely twin boys). Bring it on life!

A new day and a new challenge await for me to win over it. I stand before the mirror everyday and remind myself, you are awesome and you are soon going to be a sexy mama. Wink-Wink 😛

As I mentioned before, this journey isn’t going to be rosey one. I feel stuck and helpless, lost and confused a zillion times.

I grew up as an athlete representing my school and college for Badminton at state level. So, even though I wasn’t stick thin, I had an extremely athletic and agile body.

Life is a package of incidences that deal you situations and you got to play it blind most times. I still remember how ecstatic I was when my Daddy called up (while I was sipping hot cup of tea at my elder brother’s house on a typical morning in June) to announce that I had been selected for a job at Cipla-one of the best pharma companies in India.

I could sense my dad’s pride when he was telling everyone that Meena was selected in the campus interviews during her MBA . It might sound bragging, but its just the fact 😛

Though I had cleared the campus interview for Cipla (and had an offer letter from them in the last semester) as per their conditions I had to clear my MBA and pass a final interview in Mumbai as I had opted for research Management Trainee position. Dad had called to share the news of final confirmation and offer letter from Cipla that morning as we all were waiting for the results eagerly. I was on cloud 9 as any other youth would be!

Unaware of what was going to come our way, we were happy and joyous. The door knocked and it was my elder brother who is in Indian Airforce. He was early than usual and I thought he had come early to congratulate me. But, things were different. Through his is demeanor he seemed very devastated. He broke his silence and said that our middle brother (also in Airforce) was no more. We had lost him during Pokhran II exercises (he was a fighter pilot). My life changed that very minute. Trust me, it would never be the same without him! We were very close to each other and such loses leave a dent!

I was upset. Extremely devastated and soon depressed. I became a loner and extremely confined. Confined to my thoughts and scared of the loss that came by.

A year passed by and I met an accident in June. I was unconscious, fractured and Brain injured. My movement was restricted. No jerks, no pulls and pushes; so no driving or sitting at all. I spent nearly 6 months at home, practically on bed.

At this point of time in life, my husband Dipu walked into my life like an angel sent by my beloved brother. I feel my brother (who passed away) sent Dipu for me, to take care of me forever. Felt as if, my brother was bored of my cynical life and sent a fresh breeze of goodness into my life. I got a best friend for life. Dipu, he is my best buddy and today it’s funny to address him as my husband. Perhaps its because we are like buddies and not like typical husband and wife at all. He connected me to reality, laughter and optimism again. I was re-born as the giggly person all over again! I was emotionally secured and supported.

The accident and treatments got in lot of physical damage to my body, because of the rest period, my depression and heavy medications. So, the “chemical locha” (wrongs in my body :P) replaced the athlete in me. But, my husband never told me that something was wrong with me. I was getting bigger and bigger but he supported me all through. As time passed by, we got busier and my weight issue became more severe. Initially, it was the medical restriction and later my laziness that kept me away from facing the problem.

We got married. The work pressures, traveling and settling down was fun. We moved to US and lived just like buddies sharing the household.

I was still putting on pounds by the day but my hubby always had words to make me feel beautiful. Even when clothes did not fit me well, I was confident. He always said “Are Mast lag raha hai tu” J (you are looking so beautiful). He never spoke harshly to me about my weight. I think that could be one more reason why it never bothered me so much. He saw me in a different light altogether, never mattered to him what the world perceived.

9 years passed in a blink. We were still living the life of two hippies with no strings attached (no kids at that time). We finally decided to begin a family of our own.

Of course I had in laws and parents and families who where pesturing me for having baby but we did not feel we were ready for it until we really decided 😛

I knew my weight would be an issue so we consulted the doctor. As suspected I had lot of issues. Just like a scene in the Indian Parliament, my hormones were fighting with each other to claim a spot and justify it. So got some treatment and due to that I had regular periods and also saw my weight dropping. And that’s when it was safe to go ahead with Family planning J.

Alas 10 years after marriage I was Pregnant 😀.

I became the proud mommy of my twin boys Kiaan & Sarhaan. Our happiness was doubled and excitement seemed to have no bounds!! It was overwhelming to be a mother of twins at the same time. I was too critical of myself. I wanted to be perfect mother to both and hence the critical part was obvious. First 6 months were the toughest as my babies were premature so the pressure was immense. I did not care about my appearance at all. I just wanted to take care of my babies. But, the damage had been done to my body as it was in bad shape. Hormonal imbalance, weight, work stress, deadlines, nanny drama, sleeplessness-there was just too much to handle!6 months later I had to leave workforce for some unavoidable circumstances.

Sitting home and taking care of kids made it worse as I was again full-time Mommy and did not bother what was happening with me, my body and my mind too.

My husband was really worried about me. And he tried all ways (saam, daam, dand, bhed) to wake me up.

I was trying to loose weight but nothing was working out for me. Tied the no car diets, the salads, fruits, juices and whatever I came across on internet and social media.

We took our kids for the first time to India last June. I was very excited. But all my excitement soon died down when I saw those disgusting looks that followed me from the Airport itself. People were judgmental and cynical. There are people who never rise beyond mediocrity and meanness but their mind-set haunted me. I was embarrassed to go anywhere. The shopping trauma in India just disgusted me, completely hampering my excitement to shop in India. I was angry and bruised again.

On my way back from India ,I was determined to loose my weight.Finally before my last birthday, I made an appointment with my doctor. My general health (B.P,cholesterol etc) was deteriorating. I had landed into a bigger soup than expected!

I was suddenly stirred with the thought of not being their for my kids graduation in a white kanjeewaram with red border!! I so want to be a part of their life. I realized that I need to take charge right now or I will lose it forever!

I started making some changes. Diet routine, not eating lot of carbs, no sweets and I also asked my husband to gift me treadmill so I can exercise when kids take a nap in the afternoon. I did all this regularly but was too scared to check my weight. Afraid of failure-it kept me away from weighing myself! Finally on new year’s eve I thought of checking it only to find no changes (lost 2lbs). I was again back to square one and crying as well as sulking within.

But they say you learn from your own kids. I saw my boy reaching for his favorite toy with all his strength. He failed once, but he tried again. And this happened a couple of times. He sat and cried but he managed to somehow stand on top of the box and get his toy. He was overjoyed. He began enjoying this approach the toy, struggle, reach out finally and succeed game so much that he shifted the toy higher and higher. Every time he reached it, he would giggle and be happy. I understood that this is my chance to approach my toy (target), enjoy the process and win.

I curbed my diets further more, regularized workouts and this time with the help of experts. Dividing my meals into 6 and controlling the portions helped me further more. I am now guided by people who had travelled the path before and hence I can rectify my mistakes in time. This time, I stepped on the weighing scale every day and wasn’t afraid of it anymore. I look forward to meeting her every day now! I m more optimistic and pragmatic, that has taken care of all the stress and fuss!

 I am still far away from my target but confident that it’s not as far as it seems to be. It ‘s wise to say that I have boarded on my Journey to Success. :).

Ending with a beautiful quote“Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…Share.“-Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Meena Nerkar-Banik,you are simply awesome! Thanks for inspiring 🙂 And for those who wonder who the angel in Meena’s life is,here’s a picture of best buddies 🙂 Hoping to do a special feature on your 100lbs weightloss journey soon!